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Oldie but goody..out of the mouths of babes
(Preview)
|
Jomama
|
0
|
2955
|
|
|
|
|
The Last Pew
(Preview)
The Back Pew A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation de...
|
Dixie Dude
|
0
|
1782
|
|
|
|
|
olies accident
(Preview)
Ole's Accident!!!Ole's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the truckingcompany's lawyer was questioning Ole.'Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked thelawyer.Ole responded, 'Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded myfavorite mule, Bessie, i...
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Dixie Dude
|
0
|
1811
|
|
|
|
|
Ocean View Restaurant
(Preview)
A group of 15-year old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jannie Johnson, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on that street and they mig...
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Silvermine
|
0
|
1729
|
|
|
|
|
HeHeHeHeHe
(Preview)
Rumor has it that Anthony Weiner is going to run for president. He has chosen Attorney General Eric Holder as his running mate. Get your Weiner-Holder bumper stickers early, before they are all gone.
|
WarrenD
|
1
|
1974
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|
|
|
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Italian Arithmetic
(Preview)
ITALIAN ARITHMETIC An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.. 'Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.' 'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa ea...
|
RollingStone
|
0
|
1823
|
|
|
|
|
The Italian Virginity Test
(Preview)
The Italian Virginity Test Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit - A small can of red paint, a smal...
|
RollingStone
|
0
|
2405
|
|
|
|
|
MY PRIVATE PART DIED
(Preview)
MY PRIVATE PART DIED An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.' Knowing her patients were a little forgetf...
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RollingStone
|
0
|
1989
|
|
|
|
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Tetanus shot
(Preview)
The Tetanus Shot An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "I'm going to the doctor." ...
|
Dixie Dude
|
1
|
2133
|
|
|
|
|
WHAT A DEAL
(Preview)
Senator Harry Reid Buys a Car Sen. Reid goes to a local GM dealer in Washington , D.C. with the intention of buying a brand new vehicle. Harry looks around and finds one he likes. After going back and forth with the salesman, Harry settles on a price of $45,000. Harry and the salesman go back to the offi...
|
Dixie Dude
|
0
|
1937
|
|
|
|
|
JUST FRED
(Preview)
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a t...
|
Dixie Dude
|
1
|
1847
|
|
|
|
|
CAN YOU DRIVE A TRUCK?
(Preview)
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land." Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel.. this is the promised l...
|
RollingStone
|
1
|
1837
|
|
|
|
|
oh my god
(Preview)
|
giabambino
|
2
|
1973
|
|
|
|
|
A cannibal walks into a restaurant
(Preview)
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu ... +Tourist: $5.00 +Broiled Missionary: ...
|
RollingStone
|
1
|
1881
|
|
|
|
|
Calories Burned During Sex:
(Preview)
Calories Burned During Sex: REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With her consent.................................12 Calories Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories OPENING HER BRA: With both hands.................................. 8 Calories With one hand...............
|
GTO/GN
|
0
|
1972
|
|
|
|
|
The OB Talking Bull$hitting Doll
(Preview)
|
RollingStone
|
1
|
2073
|
|
|
|
|
cookies
(Preview)
A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even great...
|
GTO/GN
|
2
|
2170
|
|
|
|
|
Condoms Are A Must
(Preview)
Condoms are a MUST > > An American tourist goes on a trip to China . While in China , he is > very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week > after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his > penis covered with bright green and purple bu...
|
RollingStone
|
2
|
2196
|
|
|
|
|
Lemon Picker Job Hire
(Preview)
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have! "I've been divorced three times,...
|
RollingStone
|
1
|
2477
|
|
|
|
|
my dog
(Preview)
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for im. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this He pays nothing, and nothing is required of h...
|
GTO/GN
|
1
|
2094
|
|
|
|
|
a trip to the psychiatrist
(Preview)
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
|
GTO/GN
|
1
|
2093
|
|
|
|
|
a trip to the vet
(Preview)
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' ' What? Because he's cross-eyed? 'No...
|
GTO/GN
|
0
|
1840
|
|
|
|
|
one liner
(Preview)
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
|
GTO/GN
|
0
|
1777
|
|
|
|
|
Helpful doctor
(Preview)
A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places.' The doctor said, 'Well don't go to those places anymore.'
|
GTO/GN
|
0
|
1729
|
|
|
|
|
What would Tiger do??
(Preview)
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make,I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've b...
|
GTO/GN
|
0
|
1827
|
|
|
|
|
Early Dismissal
(Preview)
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave earl...
|
RollingStone
|
2
|
1788
|
|
|
|
|
Christmas burglar
(Preview)
A burglar broke into a house one Christmas night looking for presents when the family was not home. He shined his flashlight around, looking, when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more , af...
|
GTO/GN
|
0
|
1539
|
|
|
|
|
would be funny if not ture...
(Preview)
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. ********************** America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs aHalloween mask. ********************** Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you li...
|
GTO/GN
|
2
|
1569
|
|
|
|
|
LAUGH OUT LOUD
(Preview)
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really,really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me......
|
RollingStone
|
0
|
1500
|
|
|
|
|
Going hunting
(Preview)
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting...
|
GTO/GN
|
1
|
1604
|
|
|
